Short note: I hate the LotR movies. Like, if you want to see me get as ranty as humanly possible, force me to watch/discuss them. You'll be stuck for hours, and likely won't want to be my friend any longer once I'm done. Don't get me wrong, I think they're super pretty and everything, but the story WAS ALL WRONG. See, I'm getting shouty already and this note is no longer so short. Oops.
ANYWAY.
In case you haven't seen it, here's a picture of the final costumes for Thorin's band of...well, whatever. I'm too tired right now to come up with something clever.
I mean...I guess this is okay. You know, unless you've actually READ THE BOOK or something, and you know that absolutely no one looks anything at all like they're described.
I could pick every single one of these choices apart, but I'm going to try to keep this on the manageable reading length size, so I'll just focus on a few of the MOST egregious choices, 'kay?
Fili and Kili
WTS is going on here, seriously? I mean, I GET that they're the youngest members of the group and whatnot, but that's no effing excuse for them to be all Dwarf Boy Band. Ugh. (BTW, Kate and I have decided that this boy band is going to be called Dwarves 'N Da Hood. You know it works.)
Dwalin
Um...not gonna lie, I was really hoping for his blue beard here. :(
Nori
AKA - Triceratops Head. Dude, I can't even...
And finally -
Thorin
This is the one that bothers me the most. Why the hell does he look like a Klingon? I AM THE MOST SERIOUS! What you don't believe me? Fine. Look what I did for you because I'm the most awesome and stuff.
THORIN LOOKS JUST LIKE CHANCELLOR GOWRON, WTS?! Not only that, but I'm pretty sure he stole General Martok's armour.
Ugh. Seriously. Why can't Peter Jackson just stop messing around with my Middle-Earth? What a jerk he is.
I hadn't even LOOKED at TriceraDwarf yet. WHAT?
ReplyDeleteINORITE?!
DeleteI dunno, Kili is kinda hot.
ReplyDeleteYou don't think he looks like Russel Brand?
DeleteNo! He is, and always will be, Mitchell from Becoming Human! He is special and I love him. I hate The Hobbit for stealing him away from that awesome show!!!
DeleteKili shouldn't be hot. Mitchelll should be hot.
Fili kind of looks like the Plague from Hackers. http://blog.modis.com/wp-content/uploads/Hackers-Eugene-Plague1.jpg
ReplyDeleteNo?
1. I heart you even more than before for referencing Hackers. For realsies.
Delete2. Yes! NOT LIKE A DWARF AT ALL.
1) Yes Dwarves 'N Da Hood. Yes yes YES. All day long AND tomorrow.
ReplyDelete2) Before you even said it I was all like "holy flying Cardassians, is that GOWRON?" I was watching DS9 LAST NIGHT and he was all up in my episode and I did like three double takes when I saw that picture.
3) It is SO PRETTY though. SO PRETTY.
It's kind of a shame, cos Richard Armitage is a pretty, pretty man. When I heard he was being cast as Thorin I was all "nonono, TOO YOUNG! TOO PRETTY!" but thought they'd maybe age him up a bit? NO! THEY DIDN'T! They made him look like a DS: 9 guest star and I am not one single bit pleased about it.
DeleteI may not be qualified to weigh in on this because until I read all the way down in the comments I thought you were talking about Chancellor GORKON from Star Trek VI. I kept thinking, "But David Warner isn't short! Isn't he like, tall and lanky?"
DeleteUgh, Blogger is pointing anyone clicking my name there to my old Wordpress site. Sorry for any confusion. I'm not going to be all douchebalrog and put my URL in a comment, but I'm gnashing my teeth all the same. "A Blogger login... I fear this is a foe beyond any of you."
DeleteHeh, yes, I still have issues with blogger myself. Don't feel bad.
DeleteIt's not even the height (although Thorin was supposed to be quite tall for a dwarf, and he's not even the tallest in the group!) but the facial prosthetics. I know that's not his real nose (which is kind of a shame, cos his real nose is fantastic), but the forehead wrinkles, the fake nose, the chin - all of that combined makes him look far more Klingon than dwarf to me.
I feel like for some reason they didn't want to use color, so to differentiate the dwarves they used strange things like tricera-hair and boy-bandiness. Why no color? Tolkien wasn't shy about using color with their clothing, you know?
ReplyDeleteNo, he wasn't shy AT ALL! Everyone was colourful and awesome. I don't know why we're all goth here.
DeleteI am going to be gigglesnorting BADLY all day re "douchebalrog" which is totally what I am going to call people who take all of the colour/color out of my world from now on.
ReplyDeleteThis is not how I picture the dwarves AT ALL. These guys look like they belong in Winterfell, not Middle-earth. I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteThey do look like they're prepared for Winter, don't they?
DeleteTV Winterfell, maybe. The ASoiaF books had very, very colorful armor. Sigh.
DeleteBah, can't comment using wordpress, in the process of smoothing things out so I don't have different usernames and pictures everywhere. Anyway. I enjoyed the movies but I hate these pictures, that's for sure. All wrong.
ReplyDeleteI have a Klingon tattoo. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
ReplyDeleteAw, Jennifer! I just saw this comment! I think that's awesome that you have a Klingon tattoo. Is it text IN Klingon, or...something else?
DeleteIt's a Klingon symbol, red and black. Courtesy of my 18th birthday ;)
DeleteOhhhh...tweet me a picture? I'll show you my Maleficent tattoo in exchange. ;)
DeleteShut up! She's my fave! Ok..I'll get on it. Don't mind the winter season leg hair. Ha.
DeleteDEAL!
Delete